As Parents Do We Have the Freedom to Chose Differently from our Own Up-Bringing?

As a parent interested in growth it's important to acknowledge the fact that certain ideas we have, or certain parenting techniques we employ may not be optimal for our child's growth. These ideas may feel ok and right at the time, but this is because society accepts them as right and therefor makes it ok. And when others make it ok, we feel ok about it. This has been demonstrated throughout history, when the slave trade was accepted and when women were non-citizens. Those situations were ok because people made them ok, and many didn’t question if the ideas behind these approaches were correct.

If you think about the concept behind yelling or punishing a child when they don’t have enough information, It doesn’t make a lot of sense. Then why do people continue to do it one may ask? Good question. One that will be answered shortly...

Many people feel the pressure more publicly than in their private lives. For example disciplining our children in public is encouraged and there is pressure from those around us to keep our children “in line”. Many parents wouldn’t talk to their children the same way in public as they do at home. Sometimes we parent or even live our lives in certain ways because we feel pressured to do so.
And oftentimes we parent in ways which were taught to us, and we really don’t have choice in the matter.

The definition of choice in the dictionary:
1. The act of choosing; selection.
2. The power, right, or liberty to choose; option.

It is important to see that we never really have had the choice to parent in one way or another. We were never given the option of doing things a different way. We practice what learned without question. So please don’t think for a minute that you had a choice about parenting up to this point because you haven’t. You are doing what your parents have done with you, and at the same time rebelling against what they were doing. Doesn’t make much sense does it?

By acknowledging the possibility that we did not have a choice we are on the road to becoming a better parent. In order to change something, it needs to be put into light and perspective.
Please take a look right now at just the POSSIBILITY that what you are doing may not be the most effective way to parent. Science has actually proven that the ways in which we have raised our children in the last decade is not the healthiest and most effective way possible. Here are just a few points, I will add more scientific resources to add to this:
· It has been proven that children raised with authoritarian discipline have lower IQ scores and are unhealthier emotionally, especially later on in life. Authoritarian as in harsh tones, yelling, ruling with an iron fist.
· Children that were raised in homes with lots of love and affection do better than their peers later on in life.
· Adults that were raised in homes with one or more parents who used encouragement were more financially and emotionally successful as adults.

The bottom line is that in starting a journey to heal our child's hurts we need to look at our parenting practices more carefully....

Warmly,

Ashley